skipping me (^‿^)

Martial Art

2010-11-29T01:29:00.001-08:00

I know Karate, Kung Fu, Boxing, and other Martial Arts Words.

Naked: the cheapest costume

2010-11-14T05:54:00.000-08:00

Amnesia

2010-11-10T02:04:00.001-08:00

Does anyone have a pair of amnesia that i could borrow?

Operator

2010-11-10T02:02:00.001-08:00

"operator, get me 911"

"911"

"911,do you have any job vacancies?"

scream

2010-11-10T01:59:00.001-08:00

you say scream, i say verbally over-sound.

Today

2010-11-10T01:56:00.001-08:00

Today's regret brought to you by a large size of pizza, a big bag of potato chips, 3 scoops of ice cream and 2 cups of coffee.

Whenever

2010-11-10T01:52:00.003-08:00

whenever there is a will, there is a meme.

You had me

2010-11-10T01:52:00.001-08:00

You had me at "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY STUFF?"

Dolphins

2010-11-10T01:51:00.001-08:00

Dolphins are so smart!
within a few weeks of captivity, they can train human to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

¡ʎɐp ɐ ʇɐɥʍ

2010-11-10T01:50:00.000-08:00

dℸǝɥ

'ʎɐʍ ǝɥʇ ʎq 'ƃuıℸıǝɔ ǝɥʇ oʇ ǝɯ pǝdɐʇ ʇɔnp ǝuoǝɯos

¡ʎɐp ɐ ʇɐɥʍ

officer...

2010-11-10T01:37:00.003-08:00

you're not happy,

i'm not happy,

let's just end this thing right now,

officer.

LOL

2010-11-10T01:37:00.001-08:00

Forget LOL, i use INRLOLBTWMF; I'm Not Really Laughing Out Loud But That Was Mildly Funny

Been

2010-11-10T01:36:00.001-08:00

Been there, done nothing.

Smart

2010-11-10T01:35:00.002-08:00

Smart people never do stupid things,

alone.

Duct Tape

2010-11-10T01:35:00.001-08:00

If i ever need your opinion,

i'll remove the duct tape.

Fool Me

2010-11-10T01:34:00.000-08:00

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, are we dating?

Tastes like shit!

2010-05-30T13:31:00.000-07:00

I took a friend of mine to one of my favorite restaurants for lunch. She is a very hard-to-please person. She started complaining about the delay in receiving the menu card, in receiving the food etc. When the food came and we started eating:

Her: Ugh, this tastes like shit!

Me: Wow, you've tasted shit before?

Her: o_O

The Wish

2010-05-17T02:53:00.000-07:00

I was talking to my friend the other day.

Me: If god would grant you one wish, what would you wish for?

Him: I wish I would look like Tom Cruise.

Me: Dude! God is granting one wish of yours, not doing the impossible.

Him: 0_0

Sleep

2010-05-03T23:34:00.000-07:00

(•̮̮̃•̃) :"what r u doing?"
(͡๏̯͡๏) :"trying to sleep"
(•̮̮̃•̃) :"with eyes wide open?"
(͡๏̯͡๏) :"i need to close my eyes?"
(0_̃0̃) :...

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. - The Greatest Gift

2010-04-22T10:36:00.000-07:00

Phoebe is nt able to decide whether to carry her step-brothers baby or not.
Monica: Phoebe, you should do this. Its the best gift you can give to a person.
Chandler: You're carrying their baby and giving them a playstation?

Hello?

2010-04-22T03:11:00.000-07:00

My friend calls up on my residence no. I take the call.
Me: Hello.
My friend: Dude you at home?
Me: Nope, im nt at home. Leave a msg after your brain implodes due to ur stupidity.

For some reason, he cut the call.

Bath Time

2010-04-21T23:55:00.000-07:00

My mom: Go take a bath instead of wasting ur time.
Me: Later
My mom: Then help me in the household chores.
Me: No, im going to take a bath.

Run

2010-04-13T15:36:00.000-07:00

Don't run from your problems,takes a car or a plane,you might need it to go someplace far. :P

iPad

2010-04-08T07:27:00.000-07:00

Him:"wow,those iPad things are really cool" me:"not trying to impress, is iPad shuffle means anything?" him:0_0

Fast food

2010-03-08T00:17:00.000-08:00

If fast food are bad for you,go and eat snails

Facebook

2010-03-08T00:16:00.000-08:00

Facebook : a place where you can talk to walls and no one think you're crazy

Slower

2010-03-08T00:14:00.000-08:00

Him:"any slower creature than snails?" me:"dead animal,it didnt move" him:0_0

Someplace

2010-03-04T12:39:00.000-08:00

Him:"haven't i seen you someplace before?" me:"yes,that's why i don't go there anymore" him:0_0

Sucks

2010-03-04T12:37:00.000-08:00

Him:"tell me one thing that does not sucks in this world!" me:"fan,it blows" him:0_0

Chuck Norris

2010-03-02T07:11:00.000-08:00

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Living

2010-02-26T10:44:00.000-08:00

Him:"what do u do for living?" me:"breathing" him:0_0

PROCRASTINATION

2010-02-24T22:58:00.001-08:00

I want to be a procrastinator, but i think ill start tomorrow.

Jerk

2010-02-24T04:56:00.000-08:00

Me:"you're such a jerk!,how did u sleep at night?" him:"with both eyes closed" me:"duh" him:"duh backatcha"

The dog

2010-02-24T04:54:00.000-08:00

Me:"why did u choose this as ur web host?" him:"the dog made me" me:0_0

Awake

2010-02-24T04:51:00.000-08:00

Dad:"are u awake yet?" me:"not yet" dad:"then who's answering?" me:"the voice inside her head" dad:0_0

Advice

2010-02-24T00:32:00.000-08:00

Him:"what the best advice your mom gave u?" me:"she said 'go ask your dad'" him:0_0

Invented

2010-02-23T09:49:00.000-08:00

Him:"i admired him,i think he invented something big" me:"invented what?" him:"a see through glasses" me:0_0

Dead

2010-02-23T07:12:00.000-08:00

Him:"are u alive?" me:"no,i'm drop dead gorgeous" him:0_0

ELECTRICITY

2010-02-22T10:27:00.000-08:00

One day when we were in college the electricity suddenly went. It came back after like 2 minutes. I asked my friend 'Wow, imagine how would it be like if there was no electricity' and she tells me, 'Yup, would be difficult... We would have to watch tv in candlelight'. Me: 0_0

THE CALL

2010-02-22T05:49:00.000-08:00

My friend was sitting next to me in class today and his girlfriend was on my other side.
My friend: Dude jus call my girl, gotta tell her something.
Me: You crazy or what? Why should i call her? Shes sitting right next to me.
Him: O_O

TV

2010-02-22T00:19:00.000-08:00

TV : something to keep your remote control busy

Sleep

2010-02-22T00:15:00.000-08:00

Him:"do u ever sleep?" me:"i do,infact i realy good at it,especially with my eyes closed" him:0_0

Busy dad

2010-02-21T14:42:00.000-08:00

Dad:"son,whr r u?i pick u frm school" son:"whr were u dad?" dad:"i'm at the front gate of ur high school" son:0_0 "dad! i'm at college now" dad:"oh"

Lost

2010-02-21T14:32:00.000-08:00

Me:"why r u crying?" kid:"i'm lost,i want to go hom" me:"where do u live?" kid:"near the gas station" me:"where's the gas station at?" kid:"near my house" me:0_0

Headache

2010-02-21T13:11:00.000-08:00

Headache : something to remind you that you still have head

Lifebox's T-shirt label

2010-02-21T13:04:00.000-08:00

"these T-shirt were tested on animals.They didn't fit."

Coffee

2010-02-21T05:08:00.000-08:00

Doc:"wht could be the problem?" patient:"every time i drink my coffee my eye hurts" doc:"take out the spoon from your coffee cup before you drink it!" patient:"oh,i see.."

True friend

2010-02-20T14:07:00.000-08:00

A true friend will never let you do stupid things...alone

Judge

2010-02-20T13:11:00.000-08:00

Don't judge a book by its cover,judge a magazine by its cover!

Dog

2010-02-20T05:37:00.000-08:00

A:"what do you call a dog with 1 leg? B:"no matter what you call it,it ain't gonna come"

Late

2010-02-20T05:34:00.000-08:00

Teacher:"why r you late?" student:"a guy was stalking me" teacher:"so..?" student:"he walk too slow" teacher:0_0

Bikers

2010-02-20T05:15:00.000-08:00

At the back of a biker's jacket :"if you can read this,my girlfriend just fell off"

Foot

2010-02-20T01:15:00.000-08:00

Foot : a device to detect a furniture in the dark.

Insomnia

2010-02-20T01:13:00.000-08:00

Sleep is the cure for insomnia

Sleep

2010-02-20T01:11:00.000-08:00

Him:"are you sleeping?" me:"no,i just take a good look inside my eyelid,you?" him:"i'm blinking longer" me::D

Waldo

2010-02-19T16:35:00.000-08:00

I went to a bookstore to buy where's waldo book,i cant find it anywhere! Well played waldo..well played

Therefore

2010-02-19T15:20:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure,therefore i have doubt

Smart

2010-02-19T11:09:00.000-08:00

The ultimate smart move is : which by that you can make the stupid people to shut up.

Punch

2010-02-19T07:58:00.000-08:00

I didn't punch him officer,he fell down on my fist...five times

Slap

2010-02-19T07:54:00.000-08:00

I didn't slap you,i high fived your face!

ADVENTUROUS ME

2010-02-19T05:40:00.000-08:00

My friend walks in to my room when I was sleeping, wakes me up and asks 'Dude you sleeping?'
Me : Nope, i got over adventurous today.
Him : Huh? Watd you do?
Me : I was hanging on the fan. I fell on the bed and got knocked out. Thx for reviving me.
Him : 0_0

Homework

2010-02-19T04:40:00.000-08:00

Him:"this homework is too difficult!" me:"get your brain together!" him:"right..."

Cool

2010-02-19T00:39:00.000-08:00

Him:"you're cool!" me:"thanks,you're not so hot yourself" him:0_0

0_0

2010-02-19T00:21:00.000-08:00

A:"is that the moon?" B:"no,its the sun" A:"i believe its the moon!" B:"i dont think so!" A:"let's ask! excuse me sir,is that the moon or the sun?" C:"oh,i'm sorry dont ask me,i'm new around here"

Snail

2010-02-19T00:16:00.000-08:00

Me:"what are u afraid of?" him:"snails" me:"what? Isn't that like the slowest creature?" him:"yeah, i'm too lazy to run,it might get me someday.." me: (-_-')

sheeps

2010-02-18T21:27:00.001-08:00

Him: "Did you know it takes three sheep to make one sweater?" Me:"I didn't even know sheep could knit." Him:0_0

CN

2010-02-18T08:28:00.000-08:00

Chuck Norris can clap with one hand

CHUCK NORRIS

2010-02-18T08:00:00.000-08:00

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, Chuck Norris invented all the colours of the spectrum. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

:P

2010-02-18T06:49:00.000-08:00

Ask no question,i shall not answer.

#OMGquotes

2010-02-18T06:41:00.000-08:00

End discrimination. Hate everybody.

#OMGquotes

2010-02-18T05:58:00.000-08:00

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless i buy something..

#OMGquotes

2010-02-18T05:56:00.000-08:00

When life gives you lemons,squirt lemon juice in your enemies eyes.

Trouble

2010-02-18T04:40:00.001-08:00

The trouble with eating food is that two or four hours later you’re hungry again..

#OMGquotes

2010-02-18T04:32:00.001-08:00

If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.

CN

2010-02-18T04:25:00.000-08:00

When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways
by : @dennis_gill

Stupid

2010-02-17T13:41:00.000-08:00

Him:"my boss is so stupid,he asked me to buy a car and gave me $100" me:"yeah,thats impossibly stupid!" him:"he is so stupid he doesn't know today is Sunday and car's shop are closed! I better go there on Monday" me:0_0

move on

2010-02-16T20:11:00.000-08:00

Him:"its time for me to move on" me:"good,i'll help u pack" him:"i'll take the attic" me:0_0

A blonde

2010-02-16T14:30:00.000-08:00

Me:"how do u recognise a blonde at a car wash?" him:"from their hair color?" me:"duh! no" him:"how?" me:"he's the one whos on a bike" him:-grin-

Oxymoron

2010-02-16T14:25:00.000-08:00

Him:"what an oxymoron?" me:"those moron who takes over ur oxygens" him:"huh?"

Plan c

2010-02-15T15:01:00.000-08:00

Him:"is this plan B?" me:"nope,this is definitely plan C" him:"what is plan C?" me:"the one next to plan B" him:0_0

Listening

2010-02-15T14:37:00.000-08:00

Him:"are u listening to me?" me:"u didnt say anything" him:"really?" me:0_0

breathe

2010-02-15T06:46:00.001-08:00

Me:"you breathe oxygen?"
Him:"yes"

Me:"wow! we have so much in common"
Him:0_0

Question of the day

2010-02-15T06:43:00.001-08:00

Do pet doctors talk more to their clients than your doctor talking to you? (this question does not apply if you are a cat, dog or squirrel.)

by @besZ

i know

2010-02-15T06:17:00.001-08:00

Me:"i know what u did last night!"
Him:"OMG! What?"

Me:"you were...sleeping!"
Him:0_0

brain

2010-02-15T06:10:00.000-08:00

Me:"ouch! i think i hurt my brain"
Him:"what happened?"

Me:"oh..it's gone now!"
Him:"the pain?

Me:"nope, the brain"
Him:*grin*

invisible ink

2010-02-15T06:08:00.000-08:00

Me:"How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?"
Him: ...

pessimistic

2010-02-15T06:06:00.000-08:00

Me:"No sense being pessimistic"
Him:"why?"

Me:"It wouldn't work anyway.."
Him:0_0

famous

2010-02-15T06:02:00.000-08:00

Him:"are you someone famous?"
Me:"i will,after i stab you"
Him:0_0

just asking

2010-02-15T06:01:00.001-08:00

Me:"are you on facebook?"
Him:"yes"

Him:"you will add me there?"
Me:"nope,just asking"

Him:0_0

knock knock joke

2010-02-15T05:59:00.000-08:00

Me:"Knock, Knock!"
Him:"who's there?"

Me:"Nobel"
Him:"Nobel who?"

Me:"No bell at the door !,that's why I knocked!"

confused

2010-02-15T05:52:00.000-08:00

Him:"bla..bla..bla.."
Me:*scratching head*

Him:"why are you scratching your head?"
Me:"well,i don't want to scratch your head when I'm confuse"

Him:0_0

camera

2010-02-15T05:50:00.000-08:00

Me:"Where's my sony cybershot camera?"
Him:"i didn't borrow it"
Me:"are you sure?"
Him:"yes!"
Me:"i mean,are you sure i have that camera?"
Him:0_0

allergic

2010-02-15T05:48:00.000-08:00

Him:"bla..bla..bla.."
Me:"haachooo!!" *sneezing*
Him:"you've got cold?"
Me:"no,I'm allergic to bullshit"
Him:0_0

Noise

2010-02-15T05:46:00.000-08:00

Me:"whats that noise?"
Him"a hat just fell"
Me:"with that noise?how come?"
Him:"oh,the hat fell with the one who's wearing it"
Me:0_o

Talking

2010-02-15T05:44:00.002-08:00

Him:"Are you talking to me?"
Me:"Did you see my lips moving?"
Him:"no"
Me:"there you go"
Him*scratching head*

exactly

2010-02-15T05:44:00.001-08:00

Me:"shut up!"
Him:" i didn't say anything"
Me:"exactly!"
Him:0_0

watch my eating

2010-02-15T05:41:00.000-08:00

Him:"What are you doing?"
Me:"Docter asked me to watch my eating,so i eat in front of a mirror"
Him:0_0

barber

2010-02-15T05:40:00.000-08:00

Me:"How did the barber win the race?"
Him:"He knew a shortcut"

$50

2010-02-15T05:38:00.000-08:00

Him:"can i borrow $50 from you?"
Me:" i only have $20"
Him:"ok,i'll take that,so you owe me $30"
Me:0_0

skipping me (^‿^)

Martial Art

Naked: the cheapest costume

Amnesia

Operator

scream

Today

Whenever

You had me

Dolphins

¡ʎɐp ɐ ʇɐɥʍ

officer...

LOL

Been

Smart

Duct Tape

Fool Me

Tastes like shit!

The Wish

Sleep

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. - The Greatest Gift

Hello?

Bath Time

Run

iPad

Fast food

Facebook

Slower

Someplace

Sucks

Menu

Chuck Norris

Living

PROCRASTINATION

Jerk

The dog

Awake

Advice

Invented

Dead

ELECTRICITY

THE CALL

TV

Sleep

Busy dad

Lost

Headache

Lifebox's T-shirt label

Coffee

True friend

Judge

Dog

Late

Bikers

Foot

Insomnia

Sleep

Waldo

Therefore

Smart

Punch

Slap

ADVENTUROUS ME

Homework

Cool

0_0

Snail

sheeps

CN

CHUCK NORRIS

:P

#OMGquotes

#OMGquotes

#OMGquotes

Trouble

#OMGquotes

CN

Stupid

move on

A blonde