¡ʎɐp ɐ ʇɐɥʍ

dℸǝɥ

'ʎɐʍ ǝɥʇ ʎq 'ƃuıℸıǝɔ ǝɥʇ oʇ ǝɯ pǝdɐʇ ʇɔnp ǝuoǝɯos

¡ʎɐp ɐ ʇɐɥʍ

officer...

you're not happy,

i'm not happy,

let's just end this thing right now,






officer.

LOL

Forget LOL, i use INRLOLBTWMF; I'm Not Really Laughing Out Loud But That Was Mildly Funny

Been

Been there, done nothing.

Smart

Smart people never do stupid things,



alone.

Duct Tape

If i ever need your opinion,


i'll remove the duct tape.

Fool Me

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, are we dating?

Tastes like shit!

I took a friend of mine to one of my favorite restaurants for lunch. She is a very hard-to-please person. She started complaining about the delay in receiving the menu card, in receiving the food etc. When the food came and we started eating:

Her: Ugh, this tastes like shit!

Me: Wow, you've tasted shit before?

Her: o_O

The Wish

I was talking to my friend the other day.

Me: If god would grant you one wish, what would you wish for?

Him: I wish I would look like Tom Cruise.

Me: Dude! God is granting one wish of yours, not doing the impossible.

Him: 0_0

Sleep

(•̮̮̃•̃) :"what r u doing?"
(͡๏̯͡๏) :"trying to sleep"
(•̮̮̃•̃) :"with eyes wide open?"
(͡๏̯͡๏) :"i need to close my eyes?"
(0_̃0̃) :...